Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
