Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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