I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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