I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
