it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
