How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
