you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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