he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
