Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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