We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
