sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
