I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
