I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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