Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry quiemcg hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(810): View more from Michigan

You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

Fav 4 3693 1169
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children

Fav 7 2577 1838
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening

Fav 2 727 1251
share tweet
(805): View more from California

We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"

Fav 4 1904 775
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

Fav 3 1142 587
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.

Fav 18 731 1123
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?

Fav 5 508 745
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(647): View more from Ontario

I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed

Fav 8 76 26
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service

Fav 0 110 22
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT