Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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