It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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