There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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