that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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