Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
