When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
