Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
