Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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