i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
