I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
