I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Duck Duck Cougar?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
