When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I looked at my own cervix.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
