So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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