dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
