First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
