Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
