He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
