I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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