Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
