After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
