YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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