I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
