How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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