I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we should paint friendship bongs
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