I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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