I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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