Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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