I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
