Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
