Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize