Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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