sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
