i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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