no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize