he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
