Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
