My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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