So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
