Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
