butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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