you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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