He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
