why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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