Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its not stalking. its research.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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