Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
