I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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