ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
