I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
