What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize