I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
