If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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