I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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