yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
