Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
