hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
