You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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