Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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