drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
