so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
God, I missed his penis.
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