theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
