I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
