Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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