Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
