He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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