bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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