I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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