My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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